can't say i have

This needs to stop

I love the fuck out of my boyfriend and I don’t know if it’s the distance and the time away, but recently. There’s this guy. And he’s nice and really sexy and here and he was flirting with me. And a part of me wants him. And a part of me doesn’t because I love boyfriend. But fuck. He’s so tempting. I would never cheat, I don’t have the balls or the heart or the mental capacity for something like that. But I need to seriously think about what this means. I do wanna marry him one day, but I also wanna kind of experience college and maybe even other boys. If he was here, it would be a different story. He makes me happy he really does. But he’s not here and I’m lonely and horny and I want to fucking kiss someone. And sext someone. And boyfriend rarely does that these days. They’re not as good. I’m sorry that I’m a dirty girl but it feels good so whatever. It’s not even that bad. But omg. Watching dirty scenes next to this guy was so. Turn-on. If he had been my boyfriend or if I were single, I would’ve texted him and asked if he wanted to go on a walk after. And then maybe kissed him if the mood struck. Damn. I feel so guilty. But a part of me, probably my lady parts, wants him.